Families Need More Than More Time Together

Have you ever looked around your living room and realized everyone is technically together, but no one is actually together?

One person is watching television. Someone is scrolling. A child is playing a game. Another person has headphones in.

Everyone is in the same room.

But everyone is somewhere else.

I have heard this described as having alone together time, and I think it describes so many families today.

Our families love one another. That is not the problem.

The problem is that we are busy, distracted, over scheduled, and surrounded by technology that makes it incredibly easy to be physically close while relationally miles apart.

In the presentation I recently shared with ministry leaders, I put it this way:

One of the greatest challenges families face today is not that they do not love each other. It is that they rarely share meaningful experiences together.

And I think that matters more than we realize.

Our Families Are Experiencing Technoference

There is actually a word used to describe the way technology interrupts relationships: technoference.

It happens when a phone interrupts dinner.

When someone reaches for a device in the middle of a conversation.

When the family movie is playing, but everyone is also looking at a second screen.

When we sit next to one another without really seeing one another.

Technology itself is not the enemy. Our family loves plenty of things that involve screens.

But we need to recognize how easily screens can fill the spaces where connection used to happen.

The presentation points to this tension too. Families can be more digitally connected than ever while still feeling less relationally connected.

That should get our attention.

Because our kids do not just need to live in the same house with us.

They need to laugh with us. Talk with us. Worship with us. Pray with us. Make memories with us.

They need shared moments.

Think About What You Remember From Childhood

Take a second and think about your own childhood.

What do you remember?

You probably cannot remember most ordinary Tuesdays.

But you might remember Vacation Bible School.

Church camp.

Decorating Christmas cookies.

Fishing with your dad.

Your mom praying beside your bed.

A worship night.

A family tradition that happened every single year.

A church where you felt like you belonged.

Those are the kinds of memories highlighted in the presentation for a reason.

People remember experiences.

And those experiences have an incredible ability to shape how our children remember their families, their churches, and even moments when they experienced God.

That is why creating shared family experiences is not just something fun to add to the calendar.

It can be ministry.

This Is an Incredible Opportunity for the Church

Churches have a unique opportunity here.

Families are already looking for connection.

They are looking for places where they can put the phones away, step out of the normal routine, laugh together, meet other families, and make a memory.

What if the church became one of the best places for that to happen?

Not because churches need more events.

Actually, I think most families need fewer things on their calendars, not more.

Families are not looking for another event.

They are looking for moments.

Moments they will remember.

Moments they will talk about.

Moments that become traditions.

And most importantly, moments that point them closer to Jesus.

That changes the way we think about family ministry events completely.

The Goal Is Not a Packed Room

Sometimes in ministry, it is easy to measure an event by attendance.

Did people come?

Did we fill the room?

Did everyone have fun?

Were the decorations cute?

Did people post pictures?

Those things can be wonderful.

But they are not the ultimate goal.

A successful family event might simply mean a family drove to church together, walked through the doors together, laughed together, learned about Jesus together, worshiped together, and prayed together.

That is a win.

Because we are not just planning events.

We are creating shared experiences.

And shared experiences create conversation. Conversation builds relationships. Relationships create opportunities to point one another toward Jesus.

That is the bigger picture.

Start With One Goal

Before deciding on decorations, food, games, or even the name of your event, ask one question:

What do we want families to experience together?

Maybe your goal is helping dads connect with their daughters.

Maybe you want families to begin praying together.

Maybe you want to give families a meaningful Christmas tradition.

Maybe you want first time families to walk into your church and immediately feel at home.

Maybe you want to create an easy invitation for families in your community who would not normally attend church.

Choose one goal and build around it.

The presentation encourages ministry leaders to identify one spiritual purpose first because once you know that goal, the rest of the decisions become much easier.

That one change can keep us from simply filling an event with activities.

Do Not Just Entertain Families

Fun is GREAT.

I am very much in favor of fun. Give me the balloons, ridiculous games, good food, music, costumes, and confetti.

But fun can serve a bigger purpose.

As you plan each part of an event, ask:

Are families laughing together?

Are they talking together?

Are they working together?

Are they learning together?

Are they praying together?

The goal is not to keep children entertained while parents stand around the edges of the room.

The goal is connection.

That means sometimes the best activity is not the fanciest one.

It is the activity that makes a mom and son look at each other.

The game that requires siblings to work together.

The question card that gets a dad talking.

The prayer moment that gives a grandparent the opportunity to put a hand on a grandchild and pray out loud.

Those are the moments I want.

Make It Easy for Families to Say Yes

Families are already juggling a LOT.

So if we want them to participate, we should remove as much friction as possible.

Tell them clearly where to go.

What time to arrive.

What to wear.

Whether their toddler can come.

Where to park.

How much it costs.

What they should expect.

Your invitation should not create more work for an already tired parent.

As I say in the presentation, make it an easy yes. Confusing registration or missing information can become a barrier before a family ever reaches the door.

Hospitality begins long before the event starts.

Think About the Experience From the Parking Lot to the Goodbye

Imagine you are visiting your church for the first time.

You pull into the parking lot.

One child is excited.

Another is crying.

You are carrying snacks, jackets, maybe a diaper bag, and you are wondering if you are even walking toward the right door.

What happens next?

That question matters. The presentation challenges leaders to think through the entire event from the perspective of a first time family.

Who greets them?

Is it obvious where to go?

Does someone learn their name?

Do volunteers look happy to see them?

Can the family participate without feeling awkward?

Do parents feel like they belong in the experience too?

Every detail communicates something.

And no, that does not mean everything needs to be Pinterest perfect.

In fact, the secret is not decorations, food, budget, or having the perfect volunteer team.

The secret is intentionality.

Give Families Something to Take Home

The experience should not end when families walk out of the building.

One great event can become the beginning of the next discipleship opportunity.

Send the pictures.

Remind them about the memory they made.

Give them a family devotional or a question to talk about at dinner.

Invite them back.

Give parents something simple they can repeat at home.

The presentation recommends following up within 24 to 48 hours and intentionally helping the experience continue beyond the event itself.

Because the church event is not the destination.

The home is where we hope these rhythms continue.

This Is Why WITH Families Loves Family Events

This is a huge part of the heart behind WITH Families.

We talk all the time about helping families worship in the home, but sometimes families first need someone to show them what that can look like.

That is one reason we love partnering with churches for family events and Family Worship experiences.

We want families around the same table.

Parents and children doing the activity together.

Grandparents joining the conversation.

Kids hearing their parents pray.

Families laughing, learning, talking, opening God's Word, and worshiping together.

Then we want to help them go home and do it again.

Because family discipleship does not have to begin with an hour long Bible study or a parent who suddenly knows all the right answers.

Sometimes it begins with one shared moment.

One conversation.

One prayer.

One night where everybody puts everything else away and is really, truly together.

The Balloons Will Eventually Come Down

I ended this presentation with something I want ministry leaders to remember.

I love studying organizations that obsess over guest experience because they remind me that details can have purpose.

How much more intentional should the Church be when we are inviting families into something with eternal significance?

At the end of a family event, I really do not care if a child remembers the decorations.

I care that a dad looked his daughter in the eyes.

That a mom belly laughed with her son.

That a grandparent prayed with a grandchild.

That a family worshiped together.

Those are the moments worth creating.

The balloons will come down. The food will disappear. The decorations will go back in a closet.

But the family might remember the night they were really together.

And maybe, years from now, one of those kids will be asked what they remember about growing up in church.

I hope they remember moments.

I hope they remember their family.

And most of all, I hope those moments helped them remember Jesus.